The Journey of Acceptance - Trauma and Aftermath
“Those five stages of grief were not created for someone trying to move through the loss of a loved one—they were created for people who are dying themselves..” - Elizabeth Kublor
Even through all the stages I passed enduring the pain and people I met the one thing I heard the most was "You have to move on" . letting myself reach a stage where I felt forced to accept it . But my loss spiraling up and pulling me back to my bed like twining vine I realized it was not ok to push yourself to overcome any loss . As Kubler mentioned the stages of grief was for someone dying and not someone suffering the loss .
There is never a time limit for you to overcome your loss , even when the depth of the pain has reduced it’s just your body accepting the situation but never fading the pain. Tears flow at unexpected times , the void will never be filled and the pain never erased, you keep moving forward and sometimes in some days feel stuck all over again and that’s ok it’s the love you still hold for the moment and the person and it can never be forgotten. Moving through trauma and loss isn’t about erasing what happened it’s about learning to carry it differently. It’s about discovering a way to live alongside the absence, rather than pretending it isn’t there. You may notice that some days are lighter, when memories surface with a soft ache rather than a sharp pang, and some days are heavy, when the world feels muted and gray. Both are valid. Both are part of the process.
Acceptance doesn’t mean forgetting, and it doesn’t mean being “over it.” Acceptance is acknowledgment without judgment. It’s giving yourself permission to feel the full weight of what happened, to sit with it without rushing, without forcing a timeline. Your body and mind may resist, your heart may ache, but that resistance is not a failure, it’s part of being human.
One way to navigate this is through presence. Notice when your mind drifts into the spiral of “I should be past this” or “Why am I still hurting?” Gently bring yourself back to the present moment. Feel your breath. Feel your heartbeat. Notice the sensations in your body without trying to change them. Trauma and grief live not just in your mind, but in your body. By being present, you allow yourself to experience your feelings without being consumed by them.
Another essential piece is permission to grieve in your own way. Society often pushes a neat, linear model of healing: cry, process, let go, move on. But healing after trauma is non-linear. You may think you’ve “moved forward,” only to find yourself revisiting old memories and feelings weeks, months, or years later. This is not regression it’s part of the ongoing integration of what happened into your life story. Each time it resurfaces, it’s an opportunity to check in with yourself, to see how far you’ve come, and to acknowledge the love and connection that remain.
Support matters too not in the sense of someone telling you to “move on,” but in finding those who sit with you without judgment, who hold space for your grief without offering quick fixes. Therapy, support groups, or even trusted friends can provide this space, helping you feel seen and validated. Sometimes, simply naming what you feel aloud can be a radical act of self-compassion.
Finally, remember that acceptance is ongoing. It’s a practice, not a destination. Some days you’ll feel strong, others fragile. Some moments will feel normal, others heavy. And all of it is okay. It doesn’t mean you’ve failed at healing—it means you are alive, remembering, and moving forward in your own time. The love you carry for what was lost remains part of you, shaping your resilience, your empathy, and your capacity to live meaningfully even in the presence of absence.
- FIDHA NASHIM